If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
