yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
