Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
