I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
