If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
