i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
