My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
