After last night, I could never be a politician.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
