we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just found a bag of teeth...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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