why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
