I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
