I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
