Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
