I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
