Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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