i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
