Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's shark week go big or go home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
