How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
