Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
