We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
