I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Randomize
