I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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