I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
sex in a hospital.. check
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
