Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
