Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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