i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
