my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
