Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
