i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
