I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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