If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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