I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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