Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
