I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Randomize
