he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
