mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
