I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
