All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
