We won't sleep together?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
