The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
