I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
