Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian