she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
