Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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