Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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