One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
