How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
