Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
