I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
