this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
