My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
