Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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