So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
