she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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