i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
