You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
