WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
