I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
