There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
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The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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