New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
