i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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