Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
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she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
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And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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