he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
