I'm really into asian looking animals
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
