There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
