my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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